Review of a Television Pilot That Will be Quickly Forgotten UPN tried to create some controversy in an effort to boost the ratings of this alleged comedy. The good news is that there is not a funny line or gesture in it. "The Secret Diaries of Desmond Pfeiffer" that appeared on October 5, 1998 will quickly die a natural death. There is no need for any protest rallies to give this program unwanted publicity to keep it alive. [Indeed, it was canceled a few weeks later.] Ironically, there is a real life Desmond Pfeiffer. Elizabeth Keckley, a former slave, served as a seamstress to Mrs. Mary Todd Lincoln during and after the Civil War. They also became friends. She wrote a memoir of her experiences as a slave and a freed woman that reveal quite a lot about the Lincolns. The historical errors abound. Some of the more outstanding ones are: 1. The Abe Lincoln we see bears no historical resemblance to any character we know about. He did not the neglect the affairs of state for a quick role in the hay. 2. Mary Todd Lincoln is even more savagely attacked. She is shown as a harridan with no redeeming feature. 3. The Lincolns had married quite late in life. Lincoln had been about thirty-three years of age while his wife was about ten years younger. She was considered an "old maid" for her time period. 4. The Lincoln marriage had been strained by the exigencies of the Civil War, not by sexual temptation. Abraham Lincoln spent long hours dealing with the problems caused by the Civil War. Mrs. Mary Todd Lincoln recalled a carriage ride they had taken together on the last day of his life. He had planned a new start on their married life. His burdens lightened as the Civil War came to an end. 5. There was no telegraph in the White House. Abraham Lincoln frequently went to the War Department where he might he stay for extended periods of time because of military actions taking place. He did not know Morse code. Needless to say his wife Mary did not have a telegraph in the family residence. 6. The main plot of the movie is that the Lincolns are unwittingly conducted illicit love affairs with each other. Lincoln is getting confusing signals from Stonewall Jackson who is trying to surrender while Lincoln thinks he is speaking to a "hot dish." 7. The time of the this particular episode is apparently April 1865 because Stonewall Jackson is trying to follow Robert E. Lee in surrendering. This is a particular hard task since Jackson had died years earlier shot accidentally by his own troops. Needless to say this is bad taste as we fast approach the end of Lincoln's life. 8. The Lincolns meet at a singles bar which of course did not exist in the nineteenth century Lincoln would not have gone alone because during the Civil War he was usually under military guard of some kind. 9. The clothing styles are inaccurate to say the least. Stonewall Jackson is depicted as a clothes horse who is trying on various uniforms. As a devout Christian, clothes were hardly on his mind. Lincoln wore boots, not shoes. 10. Lincoln is shown to have a sexy secretary who is quickly replaced by an ugly one on the orders of Mrs. Lincoln. Lincoln's entire White House staff consisted of two male secretaries. Lincoln always kept tight control of his appointments. 11. General Ulysses S. Grant is shown making eyes at this sexy secretary. Grant had resigned from the U. S. Army before the Civil War to be with his wife and family. When operation developed that could remedy her cross eyes, he convinced his wife that he liked her the way she was. In conclusion, this effort at history and political satire marks a new low for television. ©1998-2005 Presidentialexpert